things i want to shout out again

well now 2am.. i jus woke up from sleeping..

saw ur texts in e chatbox.. anyways, i wont b angry wif anybody even if i find out who mysterious is.. but u dun wan reveal identity i wun chase much.. i'll simply slowly identify u.. then i will write in my deathnote..........

actually, right now i aint feeling very good.. ok tis will b honest blog.. i will reveal all my feelings here, even though a normal person wun feel tis way..

IM FEELING BAD TO TERRIBLE!! i realised i wasnt much of a good friend to her anyways.. i never heard how she felt bout me, i didnt do much things in her life.. i jus simply felt tis regret.. u can say abit of that regret turned to hate and anger.. its like i suddenly dun felt like caring bout her, bout anybody at all.. i felt like a failure.. even though i cared bout her.. i didnt make much impact in her life..

because i realised her ingame frens were better frens wif her.. they chatted.. they had fun.. (now tis will make me a little selfish, but hope u understand) I felt she may just treat me a normal fren.. it left a deep regret.. I cudnt sleep well at all..

ok, things i really want that is achievable (i dun care whether u ppl tink im selfish, tis is jus e desires within)


people to read my blog n leave their comments.. thats why i put on msn saying my blog is updated.. i really beg u all to read it..

her frens to read n leave their comment..

i want to know how she felt bout me frm her frens.. i felt selfish putting tis.. but i dun care.. tis is just my blog.. tis is wad i really want..

ok.. today going back to my sch n see my councillor.. meanwhile a church fren smsed me, saying want to meet me at church tmr b4 prayer meeting.. saying "God spoke to someone n him bout my spiritual life"

my respond: ok i noe my spiritual walk has been going down n down n down since e past 3 months.. esp now.. in fact my firs question to her death is whether did God really caused a death to drag me back.. ouch i hate You man.. even now.. yet i noe without God it'll never b resolved.. so stuck..

2nd thing is, u are going to talk bout my spiritual life eh? sorry i hav no mood to improve myself spiritually esp during tis time.. so i aint really interested..

3rd thing: so whos that SOMEONE else that u mentioned that God told u 2 personally to speak to me.. in tt case, even though i right now dun feel like meeting them, i havent smsed my response though,.. i felt like something is going to happen tomoro that i will actually go there n meet them... willingly or unwillingly.. idiot

its feel much betta typing all these.. so for now, tts it..